Between Dates
Intentional Dating: Stop Meaning To and Actually Do It
”Intentional” gets thrown around in every relationship post on the internet, usually by people who never say what it means. So let me make it plain.
An intentional date is one you chose on purpose, planned with a little care, and actually showed up for. That’s the whole definition. No grand gestures. No big budget. You decided, instead of drifting.
The opposite of an intentional date isn’t a bad date. It’s a defaulted one. The couch. The scroll. The ”we’ll do something next week” that quietly becomes next month, then next season. Nobody chose that. It just happened to you while you weren’t paying attention. And ”it just happened to us” is how most people describe their whole relationship right before it falls apart.
Here’s what actually makes a date intentional.
You chose it on purpose. Not ”whatever’s open.” Something picked because it fits the two of you — your vibe, your week, what you’ve been needing. Even a simple night feels different when it was genuinely chosen instead of settled for.
You planned ahead. Intention lives in the lead time. Deciding two days early instead of two minutes before turns a scramble into anticipation — and the anticipation is half the fun. If you’re always deciding in the car on the way there, you’re not being spontaneous. You’re being unprepared.
You showed up present. Phone away. Actually there. You can plan the perfect night and then ruin it by checking your email through dinner. Being chosen and being seen — that’s the whole thing people are starving for.
None of this is hard. That’s what should bother you. The reason your date life feels flat usually isn’t some deep incompatibility. It’s that you’ve been on autopilot, and autopilot never planned a good night in its life.
Tonight’s move: take one ordinary night this week and make it intentional on purpose. Choose something that actually fits you two. Decide it now, not later. Show up with the phone in your pocket. That’s the entire skill. Meaning to doesn’t count. Doing it does.
Got a bad date story?
Send Michael your worst one.
He reads every single one. The worst — and the funniest — get broken down in a future post (kept anonymous unless you say otherwise). Tell him what went wrong.
One straight-talk dating email a week.
No fluff, no spam. Just the next move.
Stop coasting. Plan the next one on purpose — and just show up.
Plan it in Tryst